“Help people get out of their comfort zones to experience life fully”
This is the line I wrote down in my journal back in 2023. I was in Vietnam, and coming out of an existential crisis around what I wanted out of life. I felt the desire to work with people, spend less time on my computer and do something that feels purposeful.
The natural next step felt like becoming a life coach. That's the playbook I’ve seen people playing around me, and on the surface, it felt like match made in heaven.
burn out → take a step back → feel the need to help people → become life coach → move to Bali → happy days
I started walking down that path. I paid a ridiculous amount to a coach to help me. The first two sessions were actually helpful. Part of it was his approach to life, especially around talking to strangers and feeling into the “vibe” of every situation. But mostly it was the uninterrupted time I got from someone to listen to me. Maybe therapy would have been cheaper, but his marketing was better.
After a few sessions it started to feel like he was pushing me on a path that was not mine. Surprise, surprise, he suggested I should become a coach myself. The classic coaches coaching coaches on how to become coaches so they can teach others to become coaches.
I did maybe 10 free sessions with friends, and all of them were powerful. But the only thing I felt I could offer was my presence. I sat there, asking questions, and truly being interested in their stories. I did not have the tools to fix their life. What does “to fix someone” even mean and who am I to give advice to people?
If we look through society's lenses, I am a failure. No family at age 30, haven't even had a lease in my name, and I am jumping between places every two months. What do I have to offer? Who would even pay for this mess?
The sessions with my coach started to feel like an expensive lesson. We were circling around the same topics. Me resisting coaching, and him pushing me into that direction. I decided to stop working with him.
Fast forward to 2025, and I started my Instagram, picking seenbyrobert as the handle. It felt like a genius name carrying a double meaning:
Help people feel seen
Sharing my stories on how I see life
This felt closer to my core. I started going out in the world, and sharing stories of strangers that I felt people could resonate with. I talked to 100+ people over the past year. Later on, I also started sharing vulnerable stories about my own life.
And it worked. People sent me warm messages, I met some incredible people and for the first time in my life, it felt like I have a purpose. But… There is always a but, isn't it?
It never really picked up the way I imagined. It felt more like a dairy of my life, and that reflected on who followed and engaged with me. It is mostly people who know me in real life. Strangers for the most part never stuck around.
Yes, you read that right, I left the mistake “dairy” there intentionally. ANYWAYS:
Even if I never went viral, sharing those videos and talking to strangers was the best thing that happened to me. The true meaning of seenbyrobert came to me only a few days ago while out on a walk, inspiring the post you are reading.
The person who needed the most to be seen and experience life fully was myself.
WOW. It hit me like a ton of bricks, and I started connecting the dots.
I was seeking love and connection throughout my adult years. Mostly romantic, but not only. I thought if I have an interesting life, money, a fit body and a calm mind, people will finally see my true value.
Every time that did not happen, I was in disbelief. What is missing? Why can't people see my worth? What more do I need to do to get the love I am craving so much? Maybe I should climb Everest? Surely being on the literal freaking top of the world would make people notice me.
Obviously it does not work like that, and it took me 32 years and a magical summer that surpassed my wildest imaginations to realise that I was missing the most important part of the puzzle.
I was looking for love in the external world, and whenever I hit an obstacle, my self worth took a hit. I thought I need more: more money, more depth, more experiences.
I finally realised that's not how it works. I feel even grateful. I would not feel serene if someone loves me only because of how impressive my life looks on the outside. Can I find the love I am dreaming of in myself first, and truly believe that it's there at all times?
Now this is obviously not a linear process. I have been circling around this question for the last decade, getting closer to the core of it one day at a time. But it wasn't until the first days of summer I began to notice a shift.
I started to see that there is already a lot of love inside and around me. I focused on tending to the love inside me in the first place. I focused on people who were ready to receive my love, and understand that everyone expresses and receives it differently.
My happiness doesn’t depend on certain people loving me in exactly the way I hoped they would. If I continue swimming upstream against reality, I could destroy the relationships and continue losing myself in the process.
I started to express my love. I did it because I felt it, not because I needed a certain response from them. I started saying “I love you” to my parents, even though the thought of it for some weird reason was so uncomfortable. But it did not stop there, maybe it's a story for another day. My relationships started to feel deeper as I slowly let go of needing a certain response.
Yes, I do have hopes on how someone will respond. I still feel pain, sometimes lots of it. But other people’s reactions is beyond my control, and the earlier I let go of my expectations, the less suffering I create for myself.
Maybe that was the whole purpose of creating content for my Instagram. To notice all the people who support and love me, to have an avenue for vulnerable self expression and to see myself fully with all of my imperfections.
For the past months I haven't felt like posting videos. Substack is a great place for expressing myself, and I love that here I can go more into the nuances. It feels like seenbyrobert served its purpose, and I am not even sure if I will put more effort into that specific page.
But I am not done with content. Since the end of August, I am working on something ambitious and different. Two months in, and it starts to feel more and more aligned.
The next chapter is about love. Finding it in every corner of my life and expressing it without needing anything in return. I want that to guide whatever I create next.
A trekking guide in Georgia put it beautifully after four rounds of Chacha:
Love received vertically must become love expressed horizontally.
With love,
Robert.
It was definitely one of my personal highlights last year, meeting you, Robert! Whatever comes next for you, I know it is going to be a success for you, because it comes from the place of love;
Um abraço, Roma